Did you know? ADHD often shows up in subtle ways most parents and teachers miss.
This week on In My Kitchen with Yvonne, the conversation dived deep into what ADHD actually looks like in real life beyond the sweeping generalizations and missed opportunities for support.
With educational psychologist Dr. Adam McCartney in the kitchen, listeners were given a rare, nuanced look at the “subtle signs” of ADHD and why so many children aren’t truly seen at all.
What Are We Missing in Plain Sight?
Dr. McCartney opened the episode with a crucial question: What are the signs of ADHD that slip under the radar for parents and teachers alike?
Far from being only the loud or disruptive child, Dr. McCartney emphasized that “not every child who is struggling is a disruptive child. Some of them are quiet, some of them are just coping and some are doing just enough not to be noticed” 03:01. The cost of missing these children can be profound the support they need arrives too late, if at all.
The Evolution (and Limits) of ADHD Diagnosis
Dr. McCartney took listeners through a fascinating history of ADHD diagnosis, revealing how the DSM, America's primary manual for psychiatric diagnosis, has swung from psychoanalytical to behaviour-based definitions.
The importance? “The DSM doesn’t appreciate that the body is a learning mechanism,” he warned. “It’s not showing us the whole picture, and this leads to some trickiness around diagnostics” 10:13.
He pointed out that children from different cultural backgrounds are unevenly diagnosed, and that clinicians can struggle to observe the range of ADHD symptoms in clinical settings. In short: the system is imperfect, and many children fall through the cracks.
Relationships, Not Just Ritalin
A recurring theme throughout the episode was the pivotal role of nurturing relationships in the classroom and why medication alone is not always the answer. He asks, "Why do we have engagement up to Year 6 but then by Year 9, parents are almost disaffected?"
“For optimal learning, we need a calm nervous system,”
Dr. McCartney explained, referencing polyvagal theory. When students feel relational safety, dopamine is more likely to be secreted at the right levels in the brain, supporting learning and focus 14:09.
He stressed that teachers who can offer predictable routines, visual supports, and above all, caring relationships will see the best results not just for children with ADHD but for every student. “Relationships in the home and relationships in school are the primary ones,” he said. “Rituals, transitions, and schedules are important, and communication is important” 19:05.
“Relationships in the home and relationships in school are the primary ones,”
Shift from Blame to Curiosity
Why do so many signs get missed?
It’s sometimes about our over-reliance on labels.
Teachers, parents, and society default to a narrow idea of ADHD, expecting only certain “loud” behaviors.
But as Dr. McCartney pointed out, “the criteria for diagnosis is broad, and the understanding of the causes is not well disseminated” 17:36.
He emphasized that when a child makes a mistake, curiosity and empathy not shame or punishment are far more effectiv
Teachers, parents, and society default to a narrow idea of ADHD, expecting only certain “loud” behaviors.
Why do so many signs get missed?
It’s sometimes about our over-reliance on labels.
Teachers, parents, and society default to a narrow idea of ADHD, expecting only certain “loud” behaviors.
But as Dr. McCartney pointed out, “the criteria for diagnosis is broad, and the understanding of the causes is not well disseminated” 17:36.
He emphasized that when a child makes a mistake, curiosity and empathy not shame or punishment are far more effective Instead, adults should provide support, accept mistakes as part of learning, and help develop emotional literacy over time without resorting to shame.
The Wider Context: Society, Economy, and Technology
The pressures on both children and teachers have never been greater.
Today’s students grew up during recessions, endured a pandemic, and face constant digital stimulation and social media’s relentless pace.
In the midst of these stresses, the educational system leans more heavily on policy than on people.
Dr. McCartney argued that, especially as funding tightens, schools must double down on strategy and relationship not just resources 46:04.
Takeaways for Listeners
“In My Kitchen with Yvonne” ended with powerful reminders: Not all struggling children are visible.
Many signs of ADHD and well-being challenges are subtle and easy to miss. Change does not always require more funding; sometimes, strategic and kindness-led shifts in approach can be transformational
If you’re a parent, teacher, or simply invested in the future of young people, this episode offered new tools for seeing and supporting children beyond the obvious.
The neurological advantage we keep missing, as Dr. McCartney put it, is nurturing the relational and emotional landscapes in which all children learn best.
Missed the episode?
Takeaways:
Many struggling children are INVISIBLE in the classroom 10:52
Building strong routines and relationships can unlock learning for EVERY child 19:01
Change doesn’t always require more resources think strategy and connection 46:17
💡 What’s ONE thing you could introduce in your school or home to help? Drop your ideas below!
🔗 Full episode live now. Listen, learn, and join the conversation.
10 Lessons Learned
ADHD Often Goes Unnoticed
Many children with ADHD aren't disruptive they might be quiet or "just coping," which means their struggles are often missed by both parents and teachers 03:01.Diagnosis Is Complicated
Diagnosing ADHD is complex due to broad behavioural criteria and overlapping symptoms with other conditions, making overdiagnosis or missed diagnoses common 06:07, 11:49.Behaviour Is Not Always the Key Sign
ADHD isn’t always about hyperactivity; inattentiveness might just look like daydreaming or missing instructions, leading to misunderstandings in the classroom 37:52.Relationships Are Vital for Learning
Strong, trusting relationships with teachers or caregivers help regulate the nervous system and create better learning conditions for every child, especially those with ADHD 14:46.Routine and Visual Cues Matter
Predictable routines and visual communication support attention and emotional regulation benefiting all children, not just those with ADHD 19:15, 22:09.Shame Can Be Harmful
Traditional disciplinary approaches that rely on shame or immediate reflection can backfire, especially when children are dysregulated or in a high emotional state 28:33.Curiosity Over Confrontation
A curious, empathetic approach (“I wonder why this happened…”) leads to more effective conversations and helps avoid triggering defensiveness or emotional shutdown in children 25:31.Stress Lowers Cognitive Abilities
When children are stressed, their ability to process information and logic is impaired making it critical to help them feel safe before addressing issues or teaching new material 24:18.Modern Life Heightens Challenges
Economic uncertainty, technological change, and social media have all increased anxiety and reduced attention spans for this generation of students 33:14.Change Doesn’t Always Require More Money
Some of the most effective strategies like building relationships, using visual aids, and fostering routines can be embedded into school life without additional funding 45:30.
Check out this essential episode of In My Kitchen with Yvonne and join the conversation shaping tomorrow’s education!
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Yvonne
LocaeRise: Change, handled well.
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P.S. Want to connect with Dr Adam McCartney for more wisdom? He’s happy to connect via LinkedIn or through his website. And don’t forget: sometimes the smallest shift re-ignites your whole mission.
Next week: We are sitting down with a headteacher who has spent 20 years in school leadership and watched education transform around him and AI is the biggest shift yet.
Leading a 1,500-pupil school in London, he is not chasing the hype. He is pacing the introduction of AI deliberately, making sure it serves his school community rather than disrupts it.
He is also a published author. His book, Calm Leadership, speaks to exactly the kind of steady, clear-headed decision-making that schools need right now especially when the pressure to adopt new technology is coming from every direction.
If you are a school leader trying to figure out where AI fits, or a vendor trying to understand how schools are actually thinking about this, you do not want to miss this one.
Tuesday. In My Kitchen. See you there.